POEM: Self-Portrait as Open Flesh of an Undetermined Panic



Most of the panic remains virginal in the backyard, mostly quince-coloured, growing

like a flower sitting on an acre of phrases, mostly gerund, echoing

the voiced Gustav Klimt canvas that speculates on a mottled shadow,

the figure of it the sharp side of human

the freckled face of suspicion

entering the green steel fences of our house, near the grass

that beds the pain, the pity, the first person

with a complex set of subjunctive mood. At about ten in the morning,

before lunch is served, short of parenthetical immensities

about the recent case of a dog, the doomed offering beneath the orange sun,

the children surround the area

where there is a smell drawing a familiar incident,

a funny fruit torn from the sight’s memorial Eden

to recall a life in the hay, once mistakenly

begging for bones, sometimes barking at the neighbour’s

election campaign ads-plastered tree,

shaking out what’s coming in less, drily unnameable.

However, in the interest of ungrammatical bodies writhing into a tiny talented form,

a secret snapping in, then momentarily a scintillant revelation:

the children should know—

the fleshy ground entails to stain and swell the inside

that is the given pronoun, the only thing escaping existence

for a dead goat, now slurping reciprocally red,

to sink the unknowing world in the deadest drink of panic. And that a stranger

from out of nowhere, appears, to finally recognize the goat, mistaken for a dog,

as open flesh of an undetermined time and space, as syntax

the rain accidentally builds.

Lawdenmarc Decamora is a graduate student of literary and cultural studies at the Ateneo de Manila University (ADMU). He holds an MFA in creative writing and has been a fellow of prestigious regional and national creative writing and criticism workshops in the Philippines, among them include Faigao, Lamiraw, Pamiyabe, Iligan, and KRITIKA. His literary works were published in Mad Swirl (Texas), TAYO Literary Magazine (San Francisco), WE ARE A WEBSITE Literary & Art Journal (Singapore), Cruising Magazine of Manila Bulletin, To Voice My Own (Proceedings of the 21st Iligan National Writers Workshop), Paper Monster Press, and BUKAMBIBIG Issue One: “Crowds”.  He also has presented papers in international and national conferences. He is currently a faculty member of University of Santo Tomas (UST) and a research fellow of the university’s Research Centre for Culture, Arts and Humanities (RCCAH).

Save pageEmail pagePrint page